before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
