It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
MIDGETS
????
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Randomize
