proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket