Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.