His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity