mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?