I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
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The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
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I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize