So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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