I must be too annoying 4 u.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
