Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize