well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize