She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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