the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
