and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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