Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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