oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
