so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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