i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
