You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
