YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
