So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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