I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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