I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
