Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
