it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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