is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
