both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
