you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
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