When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
babies were throwing up all over the place
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
