I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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