I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
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