u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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