K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
