He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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