Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
