i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
