Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
