Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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