I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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