pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
