Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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