We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
