she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
