One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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