He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
