So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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