True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
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She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
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I just want to make out with him forever
It's rum buckets o'clock
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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