If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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