none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
