They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
