I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
