we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
