Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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