I just threw up on my dentist
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
please don't ironically join a cult
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