her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
