Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
