EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
that is very illegal...i love you.
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