PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
