I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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