I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
vagina is talking i cant
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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