She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
