he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
