People in love make me want to vomit
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
