dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
