Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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