We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
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My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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